Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
