this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
