Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
