I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
