So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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