and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you never un-have a 4some
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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