Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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