sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
