so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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