i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
