wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
