Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im about as happy as oj after his trial
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
