I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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