lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The beer is more important than you right now.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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