i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've blown a few things in my day
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can I color on your dick again?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
