oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
