she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
ugly people sure do ruin things
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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