i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
