woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
