Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
