That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
