at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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