just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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