i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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