The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
