My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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