I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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