just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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