I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
