I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
