he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
