I hate all girls vehemently.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
