you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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