my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
