There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
