Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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