Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
