I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
