So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
