The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
