p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
