Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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