What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
