it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
