next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
