I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
