how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
