Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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