So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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