im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
